When Throwing A Bottle Of Urine Goes Horribly Wrong…

Spoiler Alert, It NEVER Goes Good

By Austen Rucker (the red elephants)


The news this week has been about as much fun as chewing on a handful of gravel Last week the biggest threat was nuclear war, and this week its white Supremacist Nazi KKK fighters. Now engage in a thought experiment, similar to the trolley problem. Basically, the trolley problem states that the switch controller must choose to pick either to kill five innocent people, or one worker repairing a track. A group of students from Georgetown University actually  used this to determine that drunk Parisians have an easy time picking to kill just the one person.

Now imagine if you had to choose between being surrounded by one of two things: 1. Nuclear War or 2. KKK/Nazi Invasion.  Again, we are talking nuclear war, mushroom cloud dropping Terminator 2 Judgement Day style end of the world.


That was, sans hyperbole, the new last week. Great News for Bomb Shelter Salesmen and just one more way Trump has boosted construction numbers.

Then this weekend happened. American History X put our collective teeth on the curb and gave a really bad name to conflicting viewpoints, and rather than even arguing who showed up and for what, I’m just going to say, for the sake of argument, that let’s assume literally every right winger in Charlotte was a Card carrying Nazi and member of a KKK Chapter.


These are people who will kill you for no reason other than the color of your skin.  That’s basically how Michael Donald died at the last real lynching which happened in 1981, which also means we figured out how to walk on the moon before we figured out how to stop people hanging people for literally no reason.  Now, that legal blow from the lawsuit settling that murder did the final blow to the KKK. The first blow came in a skirmish that Superman Started. For those of you not in the know, basically a few people from the Superman Radio show infiltrated the Klan and did research to make a show using all their secret passwords and terminology. All the little kids started playing Superman versus the Klan, using the secret passwords and titles, and with all the magic of secrecy and mystery taken out, a lot of members quit. Compare that to the media coverage today that attempts to make them seem like the second coming of Godzilla while ignoring the fact that the current leader of the KKK literally lives in a trailer with his mom.

So the two tools that destroyed the Klan: 1. Demystifying them and 2. Using the boring process of law suits and civil trial.  Compare that to the media coverage they are currently getting. If you  believe the old adage of, “don’t feed the trolls” then look out because we have currently got the trolls on gavache style feeding tubes and you have to ask why on earth the Media is going out of its way to give them this kind of attention and coverage when there’s a looming nuclear war(unless that was an overblown gimmick)

These are a group that will kill for no reason other than skin color.  And your plan is to show up and throw a bottle of urine at them.

Lets walk that back and look at it. The sentiment behind this makes sense, in a lot of ways its more refined and civilized than the pointy hat people. However, a bottle of urine as a projectile will douse the person on the receiving end with uric acid and a stench that is unbearable. This would cause anyone less than a saint to become violent. And your plan is to throw this at someone who will kill for no reason other than skin color.  You are throwing a bottle of your own excretus at an emotionally disturbed human being. You have to expect that violence will be the reaction. For this very reason, it is completely unreasonable to claim self defense when they react violently.


Moreover, legally speaking, there is literally a Supreme Court case about whose fault a riot is when a bunch of racists and non-racists clash. In a shocking insight into 1940s America, it is not the racists fault. Terminiello v Chicago tells a story of a Preacher who has a crowd in an auditorium, and a crowd that protests the rally outside. The preacher condemns various political and racial groups outside, a riot breaks out, and the Preacher is fined for breach of peace. The Supreme Court decides he has a right to say whatever he wants, however vile, and because he did not call for violence, he’s not responsible. “It is the purpose of free speech to invite dispute”.


This is a good time to point out that Supreme Court cases on the first amendment are NEVER about a nice happy kind person doing the right thing. Every supreme court case on the first Amendment has to deal with obnoxious irritating people you would never want to be around, throwing a firecracker of speech into your mailbox and claiming the protection of the 1st Amendment when you rightfully get offended. Sorry, that’s how life is. If you want violence, enlist in the military, or take up boxing, maybe even play dungeons and dragons where you can talk about violence, but don’t go taking it out on people you don’t like just because they hold reprehensible views 99% of people disagree with in direct conflict with your most sincerely held morals and definition of what it means to be a Good Person.

Most people use the Brandenburg v. Ohio case, but that’s just for the development from the Schenk case… and that’s enough legal jargon. All you need to know is that satire and political speech have Jedi with a lightsaber level of protection. This means that a comedian holding up a severed head of the President(satire) and calling for his general assassination(political) are totally 100% protected levels of free speech, even if they fee-fees(emotions).  For a right wing that portrays itself as tough, they get pretty wet blanket on this.

What I’m saying is, when you are at a party, and your friend breaks out his Klan Hat, or Swastika,  that’s your cue to leave.  There’s this line in the Bible about the fruits of the spirit: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5.22, look it up.

Likewise, if you are invited to go and throw bottles of urine at Nazis, which is a perfectly American thing to do, understand you are absolutely throwing down the gauntlet for a medieval battle and you are losing any right to claim self defence. If you see your friends throwing bottles of urine, that’s your cue to go home. The best case scenario is you get only a little bit of someone else’s pee on you. That is not gentle.

But as Squealer announced, Boxer is dead, he died praising the glories of Animal Farm.